by From Sam Harris' ebook, Lying, here's a passage titled Faint Praise
Here's how this relates to me. Firstly, I know I've started on silly projects in the past. We all have. The project currently at the forefront of my mind is becoming a professional philanthropist: earning money to donate to the greatest need. I've been telling my friends about this, and asking their thoughts. There's no shortage of resistance to the idea of professional philanthropy, of course. What I'm interested in hearing is that professional philanthropy might not work well. But what I'll hear more often than not is that "charity starts at home", or that "it's the thought that counts". These ideas could lead the conversation in various interesting directions. But they will most definitely not usefully evaluate my behaviour. To get the kind of appraisal that Sam Harris demands, my behaviour has to be measured up against my own values.
So here's what I'll do, as I think all of us should. When I set my heart on a project, I try to talk to my friends who are utilitarians. Most of my friends aren't utilitarians. But my closest ones know who I am and what my ethics are. And with a little prompting, we can have the relevant honest conversation about a project. All the while, you guys are here for a second opinion.
I wonder what your experiences are with soliciting friend's opinions on your projects. Can you get your friends to give a utilitarian evaluation of your actions?
There have been moments in my life when I was devoted to a project that was simply doomed, in which I had months—in one case, years—invested, and where honest feedback could have spared me an immense amount of wasted effort. At other times, I received frank criticism just when I needed it and was able to change course quickly, knowing that I had avoided a lot of painful and unnecessary work. The difference between these two fates is hard to exaggerate. Yes, it can be unpleasant to be told that we have wasted time, or that we are not performing as well as we imagined, but if the criticism is valid, it is precisely what we most need to hear to find our way in the world.
And yet we are often tempted to encourage others with insincere praise. In this we treat them like children—while failing to help them prepare for encounters with those who will judge them like adults. I’m not saying that we need to go out of our way to criticize others. But when asked for our opinion, we do our friends no favors by pretending not to notice flaws in their work, especially when those who are not their friends are bound to notice these same flaws. Saving our friends disappointment and embarrassment is a great kindness. And if we have a history of being honest, our praise and encouragement will actually mean something.
I have a friend who is a very successful writer. Early in his career, he wrote a script that I thought was terrible, and I told him so. That was not easy to do, because he had spent the better part of a year working on it—but it happened to be the truth. Now, when I tell him that I love something he has written, he knows that I love it. He also knows that I respect his talent enough to tell him when I don’t. I am sure there are people in his life he can’t say that about. Why would I want to be one of them?
Here's how this relates to me. Firstly, I know I've started on silly projects in the past. We all have. The project currently at the forefront of my mind is becoming a professional philanthropist: earning money to donate to the greatest need. I've been telling my friends about this, and asking their thoughts. There's no shortage of resistance to the idea of professional philanthropy, of course. What I'm interested in hearing is that professional philanthropy might not work well. But what I'll hear more often than not is that "charity starts at home", or that "it's the thought that counts". These ideas could lead the conversation in various interesting directions. But they will most definitely not usefully evaluate my behaviour. To get the kind of appraisal that Sam Harris demands, my behaviour has to be measured up against my own values.
So here's what I'll do, as I think all of us should. When I set my heart on a project, I try to talk to my friends who are utilitarians. Most of my friends aren't utilitarians. But my closest ones know who I am and what my ethics are. And with a little prompting, we can have the relevant honest conversation about a project. All the while, you guys are here for a second opinion.
I wonder what your experiences are with soliciting friend's opinions on your projects. Can you get your friends to give a utilitarian evaluation of your actions?
